Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
