Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
