I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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