Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
