After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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