Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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