you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
