hotel room ftw
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
