Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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