Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
