Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
