Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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