the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
