I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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