My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
