what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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