Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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