Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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