I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
