I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
