It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
