I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
