my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
