So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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