taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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