I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need moral support for this bender
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
