I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
