Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
