If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
