hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
