The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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