Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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