I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
two words: eviction party
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
