Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
