you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
