new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
