Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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