so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
