He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
