There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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