i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
