I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's never too late to be topless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
