god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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