My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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