why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
