she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
