you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
