just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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