too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
