nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm both gender and math confused
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
