are you so shy because you have an std?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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