I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
