i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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