Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
