I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
