Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
