she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
