Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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