I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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