shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize