What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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