I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
