Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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