It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
