I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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