Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to stop coming to work sober
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
