He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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