you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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