hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
