i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Randomize
