So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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