Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
