I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
one might say we're banned from that church
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
