i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
