I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
