Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
