My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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