i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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