I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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