I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
