Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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