White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're like the curious george of whores
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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