I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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