i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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