I'm drive I can fine osifer
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
