I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
