what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
