girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
