dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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