Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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