but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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