Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
