around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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