My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
