You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
