he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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