As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
